I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
