Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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