Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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