I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
