Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need water and some morals
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
