he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
