Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
