i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
