If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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