remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
