i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
