I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize