no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
