A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize