In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
