P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
