I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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