i permit you to call me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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