Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
