I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
