Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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