i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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