I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
