Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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