Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
