Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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