Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
