Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
