SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You have to summon your inner elephant
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
