I heard we made out
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
