ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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