i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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