hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
