I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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