Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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