shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
