Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
