guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Less talking, more tequila
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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