So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
