If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
