Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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