im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
