I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
