I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
