You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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