I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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