When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
