I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
