dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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