the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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