im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
