take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize