woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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