my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
