I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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