i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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