When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
