Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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