I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
