dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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