gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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