I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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