We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
