who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
