do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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