I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
