my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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