Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
