Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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