Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
