dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
